The Mysterious Disappearance of El Cid
by Pete on Jul.03, 2001, under Articles, Pete
Many of you have undoubtedly noticed the conspicuous absence of El Cid over the past nine days. His peculiar brand of humor and his Christopher Walken in an SNL skit-style demeanor has certainly been missed. While I have been working hard this past week, posting optical illusion playing card after optical illusion playing card, I have hardly been able to fill the void that he has left. I decided today that the truth must be known. So allow me to regress… to nine days ago.
Friday, June 22nd, 2001
It was a Friday night just like any other Friday night. El Cid and I had just finished discussing our plans for the weekend, and had decided that we were both hungry. Little did we know that this would turn out to be one of the most unforgettable Friday nights… ever.
6:00 PM - The Phone Conversation
Me: So will Chinese be alright?
El Cid: Chinese food will doubtlessly satiate my palate.
Me: Um… good. I’ll be over there in a few. Later ‘Cid.
El Cid: It has been exorbitantly scrumptious confabulating with you.
6:15 PM - The Drive to El Cid’s House
Me(singing to myself): “WHY DO YOU BUILD ME UP, (build me up) BUTTERCUP BABY JUST TO LET ME DOWN (let me down), AND MESS ME AROUND…”
Me: Alight, I’m here.
I knocked on the door, but no one answered. The door was unlocked so I let myself inside.
6:30 PM - El Cid’s Home
Me: Hello? Come on ‘Cid. You’re always late! I’m hungry!
My shouts were futile, as I recieved no response. I proceeded up the stairs and peeked inside his bedroom.
6:31 PM - El Cid’s Bedroom
Me: OH MY GOD!!!!
El Cid: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuggghh…
Graduation Bear: AAEEEEEEEEYYYYYAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
El Cid: OOOOOOOAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
GBear: Hey Pete.
It’s not what you think… if you’re thinking that you’re sick…
6:32 PM - In El Cid’s Bedroom
Me: Graduation Bear!!! What the hell did you do???
Gbear: I mauled him like a little bitch. He’s dead.
El Cid: I am not dead you opprobious ninnyhammer.
Gbear: Hey, I said cool it with the power vocabulary you asshole.
El Cid: Get me to a hospital!
Me: Graduation Bear, what is wrong with you???
Gbear: It’s mauling season.
Me Um?
Gbear: I gotta maul something.
Me: Oh. Ok.
Me: What a bloody mess. I’d better call 911.
Gbear: Yeah…
6:45 PM - The Ambulance
Me, El Cid, and Graduation Bear: “…I NEED YOU (I need you) MORE THAN ANYONE DARLIN’, YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE FROM THE START, SO BUILD ME UP (build me up), BUTTERCUP, DON’T BREAK MY HEART…”
So there you have it. The mysterious disappearance of El Cid is finally explained. He’s doing a lot better now and should be back very soon. For now, send him your get well wishes at get.well.el.cid@nagood.com.
