intervention
please stop doing that
i'd like you to meet my friend
friend? i mean, stun gun

Masculine Woman or Effeminate Man?
Gazing at her face,
I realize suddenly,
She's really a man.

wedding
a marriage today
look at the happy faces
too bad the groom sucks

Fun in the Road
Oh what fun it is,
To observe children playing.
Watch out for that truck.

eagle scout ceremony
you are an eagle
the mighty bird says, "CAWW, CAWW"
fly majestically

Ode to Pete
It's really hot here,
But not as hot as Asia,
It sucks to be Thai.

graduation
wow, you've finished school
wear the pointy hat proudly
now go get a job

Wow, Those Pants are the Ugliest Things I Have Ever Seen in My Short Existence
Look at the puppy,
I hope that he attacks you,
And ruins those pants.

new job
congratulations
because of your employment
you can buy me stuff

To My Employer...
I'm off to college,
You're still working at Houston's,
Bring me some chicken!

new baby (boy)
what a cute baby
it looks like he has your eyes
diapers cost a lot

Ode to 'Ode to Joy'
I like Beethoven,
But then I also like joy,
I smell two meanings.

fourth of july
the fourth of july
celebrate indepence
with a hamburger!

I Want Your Face to Swell Up
You take this apple,
I know that you're allergic,
Eat it you bastard.

bar mitzvah
hey! gefilta fish
falafel, matzah, kugel
potato latkes

Mistake
You look tired
Actually I slept well
Oh, you're just ugly.

birthday
another great year
i bought a new couch for you
it's made of plastic