In my ongoing quest to be valiant, charitable and such, I’ve decided that, from time to time, I will throw a word out that the average person probably does not know. Not only will these words enrich your conversational vocabulary, but when used correctly and often enough, are sure to elevate your status in the eyes of the opposite sex. Today’s word has been a favorite of mine for going on two hundred and fifty years now. Without further ado, I suppose I shall unveil this fine linguistic specimen; the word is…callipygian. Originating from Greek, the word callipygian rolls delicately off the tounge like some sort of dainty thing, a doily, if you will. The word callipygian means having beautifully proportioned buttocks. I sense the delight filling the primitive portion of your brain (the hippothalmus if I’m not mistaken) as you think of inventive ways to use this word in sentences with your love interest. Do not fight them, I felt many of the same sensations upon the learning of callipygian. Speaking from experience, there are few women out there who can resist a man who loudly, but playfully points out the merits of her ass and fewer still who can resist being refered to as callipygian. Start out a conversation with a woman like this:
You: “Excuse me, you are quite callipygian.”
Random Girl: “Thanks, you make me blush vigorously; what does that mean?”
You: “Oh, it means ‘having shapely buttocks.’ I’ve been staring at your ass for upwards of half an hour while drooling steadily into an ever expanding puddle. Let me just say, you have a flawless posterior.”
Random Girl: “Why, thank you for noticing. Even though you’re ugly, I can’t seem to resist your strangely magnetic charm and impressive vocabulary.”
You: “I live in a corner of my parents’ one room studio apartment in that building right down the street; what say you and me go to my place and take advantage of the quaint squeakiness of my mattress?”
Random Girl: “Well, I am a virginal nun who has taken an oath to celibacy, but I am simply so attracted to you and your diction–I must have you now.”